Friday, 5 March 2010

A pain in the nuts

I've been indulging in one of my favourite pastimes, fondling my genitalia.

A few days ago, I started getting a weird feeling somewhere in the viscinity of my right testicle. I hoped it would sort itself out, but it hasn't, so I've got to go and see a doctor.

I'm worried that it might be cancer, and that it may result in either one or both of my bollocks being removed. And that it may also have spread to other parts of me.

My response to this threat was immediate and dramatic!

I got drunk. And smoked lots of cigarettes. And obsessively played computer games.

Anything except think about it really. True to form.

So, I have a funny feeling in my right nut. It's not actually a pain as such. It's a sense of discomfort. Things don't feel any different in the egg itself, although some of the soft tissue between it and my perineum feels slightly swollen.*

It could be some kind of infection, treatable with antibiotics. It could even be psychosomatic. My body coming out in sympathy with my dad, who has cancer of his prostate and possibly some of his lymph nodes. Or it could be some kind of bruising, although that doesn't really fit. It would be getting better if it was bruising.

So, off to let the doctor have a good grope of my balls. I doubt if I'll find out anything today.



*You know how words sometimes look wrong? - that's just happened with "swollen". It bucks the usual rule about a single consonant following a long vowel and a consonant pair following a short vowel - pipped, piped, etc

2 comments:

Jim Bliss said...

Good luck mate. I'm sending positive vibes your way.

Paul said...

Thanks Jim :)