Tuesday, 20 December 2016


My sister has a little girl. She's bright, extremely energetic, and finds it very difficult to deal with disappointment. My sister thinks she may have aspergers.

My brother in law is probably somewhere on the spectrum too.

I reckon I probably am, although I've never been diagnosed as such.

When I was a child, I used to go off into a world of my own. My teachers at primary school were concerned about this, and eventually I was sent for an EEG.

That's an electroencephalograph, by the way. Once the doctor or technician or whatever told me what it was called, and how to spell it, I never forgot. I was about 8 years old, and I don't remember much about the test, other than that they flashed a strobe light in front of me, both with my eyes open, and with them closed. It made me feel good and I wished that they kept them flashing for longer. My older sister (half sister actually) suffers with epilepsy, and has done since infancy, and I suspect they were looking for signs of that in me.

What they found was some "minor non specific abnormalities"

I remember that, too.

I didn't do imaginative play well. My next door neighbours had a couple of children, and one was about my own age. He wanted to do pretending games, and I really couln't do it. Nor with my sister either. It made me feel horribly self conscious somehow.

I was into things. First, dinosaurs, later aeroplanes. I suppose a lot of children are, but I don't think most of them paid the same attention to detail that I did.

Later, in my teens, when I started getting into music, I listened to The Beatles with a rapturous joy. Nothing else. Just The Beatles.If it wasn't The Beatles, it should have been.

Abbey Road can really kill a party. Jus' sayin.

I got bullied at school. I had no idea why or what I could do about it. Girls were a bafflement to me. I'd realise a week late that they'd hit on me, by which time it was far too late. Again.

So I reckon I probably am. I suppose I could go and see the NHS and get tested or diagnosed or something, although what I'd do with such a diagnosis, I have no idea. Nothing at all, probably, although it would be nice to stick a label on it all.

Autistic people are a pain in the arse. Sorry, let me say that again in more technical language. Autistic people often exhibit challenging behaviour, because they're unable to use the rules of social interaction effectively.

Yet social skills can be learned. Hip hip hooray. One side effect of my choice of career is that it's forced me out of my shell. I can do it in my professional role. I'm empathic, highly cognisant of my client's emotional state, and able to interact or intervene effectively.

If I meet them in Tesco's though, I haven't got a clue what to say to them.

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Friday, 16 December 2016

Just a thought...

Those massive wind turbines would make bloody brilliant amusement rides.

Put a gondola on a pivot at the end of each blade, charge a tenner to get whirled around for a while.

Knocks the London Eye into a cocked hat, I reckon.

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Sunday, 4 December 2016

Follow me, Friends...

... To the fabulous Farnborough farting festival!

Fans of flatulance from as far afield as France, Finland and Florida will find friends and fellowship as they flow into the fray.

Friday's fete will feature four former finalists - local favourite, Fred Fagan from Frimley; Fiona Fullerton, from Fulham, who as always looks fantastic in fake fur and flippers; foreign affictionado, Federico Fabregas from far flung Flanders and finally, "Ferocious" Felix Flint, fresh from the Felixtowe fiesta, with his famous flute.

The forecast is fair but the function suite of the fitness centre has been fitted out with fans in case of frost or flood.

Free admittance if you flourish this flyer!

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