Wednesday, 8 February 2012

deliberately removing the wheels from the wagon.

Tonight, for the first time since 31st December 2011, I'm drinking alcohol. Not just one drink. I've bought 5 bottles of beer, and intend to get drunk. Currently I'm about half way down the third bottle, but the two bottles I've already drank had the lowest ABV.

I'm sort of doing it because I can. The idea of never ever getting off my head again in any way for the rest of my life is pretty grim, so I will get out of it occasionally.

I plan to not do this more than once in any calender month. An arbitary rule that I'm setting for myself, and one that could lead to two consecutive days of drunken-ness if I leave one to the end of a month and take the next at the beginning. Not touching alcohol in January doesn't mean I can get drunk twice in February though.

My recollection is that beer tastes nice and that being drunk is a pleasant state of mind. The reality is that it's giving me indigestion and making me pee. I don't yet feel particularly drunk.

Beyond this immediate stuff, troubling shit is happening. One of my favourite uncles has cancer. One of my other uncles has developed serious heart problems. One of my wife's best friend's has been recalled after a mammogram.

I haven't chosen to drink consciously because of these things, although they may be unconscious factors.

Choice is important.  I think to some extent it defines the difference between use and abuse.

Enough for now. I have two and a half more bottles to quaff. Any that don't get drank tonight get given away or thrown out.

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