Fungus Face

When I was very small, we had a neighbour that had a beard. Most people had sidies and longish hair, and wore brown and orange clothing to match the wallpaper, but this neighbour had a beard. My Dad nicknamed him "Fungus Face"

We lived in a small village in North Wales, where everyone knew each other, and I would regularly visit other people. I was a cute little kid and no trouble.

At some point though, I visited the guy with the beard, and asked him "Is your name Fungus Face?"

Later I reported to my parents that his name wasn't Fungus Face at all. It was Percy Norward. OK It wasn't, and the guy might not still be alive, but I've changed it anyway. We met them years later at the Liverpool Garden Festival. Fungus Face, if you're still alive, and happen to read this, I'm sorry. It wasn't my fault. (I looked online. He died at some point. His ex wife died too. They had a son who shared his fathers name. He lives in North Wales and is a musician)

And now I'm old enough to shave, but beards sit uncomfortably on my face. I get so far with them, then they get itchy and full of soup, and I shave them off again. Poor old Michael Finnegan Beginnegan.

This time, I really let it grow out. Finally though, it got too much, and I de-fuzzed.

 Gandalf

 Lemmy

 Walter White or Ned Flanders

 Hitler or Ron Mael

Just plain old me

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Miles and miles.

The guy that trained me to be an instructor posts occasionally on facebook. I like him a lot, but I don't think we have a lot in common politically. He posted an article pointing out that Brexit means we can form trade agreements with anyone. I thought of replying (but didn't) that he should stop giving lessons to people near Wigan because then he'll be free to take on pupils from Basingstoke and Aberdeen.

Point being, Brexit will not be good for the environment. It's best of course, if you want to buy a cucumber, to get one that's been grown locally, but to get a cucumber, in December, it's either going to come from a heated greenhouse in the UK, or more likely, some southern European nation like Spain or Greece. If the post brexit world means we get it from New Zealand or Chile, well that's not really going to help us reduce our carbon emissions.

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Quaking in their boots!

Last time Tottenham Hotspur came to Prenton Park, Tranmere Rovers held them to a 2-2 draw. OK, they fluked a 4-0 win in the replay, but their third goal was a mile offside, and it came at an important psychological moment, right before half time.

But this time round, they don't have Gascoigne.

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And Tranmere are going to win.

Yes, you read it right. I predict a win, for League Two play off hopefuls, Tranmere Rovers, against a team of Premier League internationals.

Every time a defender takes the ball from the toe of Harry Kane, they win. Every time James Norwood forces a save from the Spurs keeper, they win. Every time some trickery on the wing sends a Tranmere winger on a run to the by-line, they win. I'm not sure Lloris would have kept this one out either...

Oh, and the money from a packed ground, and BTSport is a win too :)

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Seriously though, I went to both legs back in 1989. Gascoigne, whatever demons he has, was one hell of a player. Watching him dribbling through the Tranmere midfield, leaving them befuddled in his wake, you couldn't help but feel a kind of awe. I don't remember much else about it, except the atmosphere was brilliant, both home and away. I swore we outsang the Tottenham fans at White Hart Lane. The TV coverage belied my recollection.

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How long would it take Voyager 2 to stop?

According to the Highway Code, stopping distances are as follows.

Thinking Distance (feet)	Braking Distance (feet)	Overall Stopping Distance	Ratio
(Speed in MPH)	(speed x ratio)	(TD + BD)
10	5	15	0.5
20	20	40	1
30	45	75	1.5
40	80	120	2
50	125	175	2.5
60	180	240	3
70	245	315	3.5
80	320	400	4
90	405	495	4.5
100	500	600	5

These figures were arrived at through research carried out by the government in the 1930's. A car would be driven. A signal would be given and at that precise moment, a blob of paint was fired onto the road beneath the car. After a short interval, the driver would react, and start the process of stopping the car. As soon as the brake was pressed, another blob of paint was fired. Then finally, a third blob was fired at the point where the car finally stopped. Repeat at different speeds... It loosely fitted the pattern shown above, and was adopted as the accepted figures. Modern brakes, tyres and suspension, as well as such things as anti lock brakes mean that the braking distances are much shorter, but they've kept the original figures presumably so that it includes a safety margin. So when you hear the police say "It would have taken this vehicle the length of two football pitches to stop" they're using this formula. It's also velocity squared divided by 20 by the way.

Voyager two is travelling at around 34,000mph. This squared is 1,156,000,000. Divide that by 20 and you get 57,800,000. That's your braking distance in feet. Thinking distance, assuming the stopping would be carried out by a driver with normal capabilities would be a further 34,000 feet for a total overall stopping distance of 57,834,000 feet. That's 10,953 miles. I'm not sure what that is in football pitches.

This assumes a dry road, obviously. Braking distances can double in very wet conditions, and it can take up to ten times longer to stop when driving on ice.

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